The Filipino Reporter

COLUMNISTS

Year 39, No. 11, February 19 - 25, 2010

What about overseas voters?

THIS year being a presidential election we can expect a substantial turnout of qualified overseas Filipinos to cast their votes either by mail or in person in about 89 foreign posts manned by the Department of Foreign Affairs.

The Commission on Elections paints a rosy picture based on registered voters of 589,830 under the Overseas Absentee Voting Act, which was enacted in 2003 and took effect in the 2004 presidential election.

In 2004, there was a dismal turnout blamed on lack of information and other glitches inherent in first-time ventures. But the numbers did not improve by much in the 2007 midterm elections despite a vigorous dissemination drive by Philippine consulates and embassies.

But this time around there seems to be a heightened interest in the multi-cornered presidential race. They profess to have a stake in how the government is run, and they believe it is not run well at this time.

Some Filipino-Americans have banded to promote a certain presidential candidate which is a departure from two previous elections. Will this move other overseas voters to rally behind their favorite candidates?
But despite their potential to influence the outcome of the national election for president, the candidates themselves don’t seem to pay much attention to absentee voters.

The recurring questions hurled at the aspirants during debates range from foreign policy (Visiting Forces Agreement, Philippine-American relations), reproductive health (condoms), political dynasty, to the revival of the mothballed Bataan Nuclear Plant and the prosecution of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo after she steps down from office.

We doubt if the candidates even have a program for overseas Filipinos. To them, this is a non-issue.

Why should this be? After all, remittances from overseas Filipinos, led by those in the U.S., exceed $10 billion a year, primarily keeping the Philippine economy afloat.

The inattention, however, is self-inflicted. The overseas communities have not flexed their collective electoral muscle for one reason or another.

Will 2010 be a game changer?

FOCUS @ HEALTH - Philip S. Chua

Can CT Scan cause cancer years later?

COMPUTERIZED Tomography (CT) Scans is one of the greatest advances in medicine in the last century, which expedites early diagnosis and with more accuracy, not easily possible before its introduction.

However, whenever a test involves X-rays, concerns about radiation exposure and the risks it poses are seriously monitored and researched by the medical community. Besides the usual evaluation of the cost-benefit equation, the risk-benefit ratio is likewise examined under the microscope.
Recent studies, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine on Dec. 14, 2009, stated that radiation from CT scans “may cause cancer decades later,” estimating “about 29,000 future malignancies would occur in the U.S. because of CT scans done in 2007.”

CT scans are done for the head, chest, heart, blood vessels, abdominal organs, etc. If the strict medical indication for CT scan is followed to the letter, there will be a lot less CT scans done around the globe. Patients’ demand for a CT scan, if without medical justification, should be ignored by the physician, for their own safety.
The radiation a CT scan delivers is equivalent to about 100 to 200 times those of conventional chest X-ray. If your doctor says “we will do 100 to 200 chest X-rays on you today,” you will surely be scared and question its safety, if not refuse altogether. But practically everybody accepts CT scan without care.

Majority of the predicted CT scan victims of cancer are women and about 33 percent of these cancers are projected to happen to those who were 35 to 54 years of age when they had the CT scan, based on an estimated 72 million CT scans performed in 2007, a triple increase in the number of CT scans since 1993. About 30 percent of CT scans done are deemed unnecessary, not medically justifiable.

“We know that there are great medical benefits to CT scans, but they also involve small risks of cancer because of radiation exposure,” said Amy Berrington de Gonzalez, the lead researcher at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland. “For an individual, the risks are small. So if the scan is clinically justified, then the benefits should outweigh the risks.”

The researcher pointed out that “the overall risk for any individual is small and depends on the type of scan given and a person’s age...A 70-year-old who has a CT scan of the head would have a 1 in 10,000 chance of developing cancer from the test, while a baby who had a chest CT scan would have a 1 in 200 chance.”

Type of cancers
The prediction is that lung cancer, followed by colon cancer and leukemia, will be the most common radiation-related cancer. Fifty percent of those predicted 29,000 people who may develop cancer from CT scan in 2007 will die, according to the study.

This published research also pointed out that if the use of CT scan remains at its present number or higher, “eventually 29,000 cancers every year could be due to past CT scan use.” This translates to about 2 percent of the 1.4 million cancers diagnosed in the United States annually.

“There’s a risk with anything we do, whether it’s taking antibiotics or crossing the street,” stated Donald Frush, chairman of the American College of Radiology’s Pediatric Imaging Commission and chief of the division of pediatric radiology at Duke Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina. “We can’t lose what the benefits of CT scanning are. The benefits are that CT scans save tens of thousands of lives each year in the U.S. and really helps the medical community diagnose things. CT is one of the most invaluable medical advancements in the last 100 years,” Dr. Frush added.

Mammography and breast cancer
On another front, a report from the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America “verified that annual mammography screenings may be responsible for causing breast cancer in women predisposed to the disease.”
The study included high-risk women and showed that low-dose mammography radiation “increased these women’s risk of developing breast cancer by 150 percent...women under 209 who have had at least five mammograms are 2.5 toimes more likely to develop breast cancer than high-risk women who have never undergone los-dose mammography screenings.”

University Medical Center Groningen in the Netherlands’ epidemiologist Marijke C. Jansen-van der Weide cautions physicians when screening younger women, especially those under age 30. The researcher suggested alternative screening tests like Ultrasounds, MRIs, and heat thermography, where no radiation is involved.

Clearing the air
I realize how much fear and confusion this issue has caused the public. The truth of the matter is even the medical community has been impacted by this. After all, the CT scan has been a most reliable diagnostic tool in the physician’s armamentarium for the benefit of his patients.

The debate on this matter is far from over. More studies are surely to be conducted to verify these initial findings.

In the meantime, one thing is clear: where medically indicated, CT scan, which has saved millions of lives every year, is a precious tool in competent hands. Unless a superior and safer substitute comes along, CT scan will be with us for some time in man’s fight against diseases, especially cancer.

As always, I advise patients to discuss in detail with their attending physicians whatever concerns they may have as far as diagnosis, treatment, prognosis and other details of their condition are concerned.
www.FUN8888.com

scalpelpen@gmail.com

ON MY OWN - Libertito Pelayo

Post-holiday ‘makeover for a better health, life

THE holidays may be behind us but their physical effects, among others, will linger a while. Medically speaking, it is actually a time for “damage control” for those of us who have overindulged during the festivities. The post-holiday “makeover” is just as a healthy preemptive measure, more so for those who really want to maintain their normal weight or those who have diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, etc.

As with anything else, damage control is best as a preventive strategy.

However, the special celebration and holidays, like a birthday bash, a wedding reception, Thanksgiving Day and especially the Christmas and New Year festivities, which could go on for more than a week, expose all of us to that great irresistible gastronomical temptation.

For dieters, those who are watching their weight or counting calories, these occasions are tough times. Blessed are those strong-willed souls, whether or not they carry a calorie-counter on one hand and a scale on the other. These health-conscious individuals will reap their rewards in terms of stamina, energy, a stronger immune system, and even longevity, as shown by medical statistics.

Bear and horse analogy
Talking about the impact of our lifestyle on our health, my son-in-law Jim M. Brown, M.D. during a lunch buffet last Saturday, related to me the analogy of the bear and the horse. He said the bear, a carnivorous, eats with impunity in one sitting, gaining pounds after pounds, and then sleeps, slowing down its body metabolism, while the horse grazes on grass several times the whole day, and runs around very frequently and, as such, is a more agile, much leaner and healthier animal.

Our physiology is at the optimum when we consume just the right amount of calories to maintain our normal weight and when our glucose (blood sugar) level is on an even keel most of the time. When we overeat and then try to starve ourselves to compensate for our indiscretion, our blood glucose spikes up and down, described as yo-yo dieting. This severe fluctuation in our blood glucose level has adverse effects on our body and on our immune system. And this poses even greater danger for persons with diabetes.

Eating several times a day, even five or six times a day, not exceeding the total 24-hour caloric need of our body, is a healthier habit, which helps maintain our blood glucose level in a more stable, less erratic, pattern during the day. But the key is calorie-control, especially the ones from carbohydrates (rice, bread, soft drinks, cakes, ice cream, candies and other sweets).

About four years ago, we wrote about two main hormones that control our appetite, which is apropos to our discussion. Here is a segment of that column:

What triggers hunger and satiety?
The urge to eat (hungry or not) is, to a large extent, controlled by hormones in our body. And these hormones fluctuate depending on how much sleep we get, what types of food we eat and how much calories we take in, and on how much physical activities we indulge in daily. Scientific researchers are focusing on four specific substances they call “fat hormones,” which our own endocrine glands in the body produce. There are hormones that make one eat and there are also hormones that signal the brain to tell the person to stop eating. These substances control hunger and satiety.

Which is the “hunger hormone?”
The hunger hormone is Ghrelin, which is secreted by our guts (stomach and intestines). When its level goes up, we feel hungry and have the urge to eat. The level of Ghrelin goes up when we get less sleep or not enough sleep. This is the reason why those who are trying to lose weight should get adequate amount (about eight hours) of sleep. An imbalance meal and stress also elevate the Ghrelin level. Food deprivation obviously increases the Ghrelin level, hence it is better to keep the level of this hormone on an even keel and not fluctuate too much by eating regularly (or even more than three times a day) but at a controlled total calorie ceiling, to maintain health and body weight. So, starving oneself is not a good way to lose weight, since this will lead to a Ghrelin “boomerang” in the latter part of the day.

Which is the “satiety hormone?”
The opposite or counter-hormone, which is called Leptin, signals the brain when to stop eating. It controls the appetite. This “satiety hormone” is produced by fat cells in the body. When a person loses weight, the leptin level in the blood stream also goes down. As a result, there is a “rebound” weight gain. The best strategy in losing and maintaining a desired weight level is to lose in a slow and steady pace, about one to two pounds a week, and not more. In this manner, there will still be an effective level of leptin in the body to control the urge to eat.

Are appetite suppressants safe?
Most appetite control pills, juices, solutions and powders on the market are not physiological and unnatural way to suppress (by force) the appetite for weight control. While they are readily available and very popular, they have potential adverse side effects on the heart, liver, kidneys and brain in the long haul. Some serious complications, and even deaths, have been reported from the use of these diet substances. Since greater calorie intake than output is the cause of increase in body weight, the safest, most natural, strategy is to eat less and burn more calories with physical exercises, making the output of calories (energy) greater than the intake of calories (food). The use of appetite suppressants could be dangerous.

The healthier “makeover” for our post-holiday misadventures includes daily gradual incremental reduction in the food we eat, daily physical exercises, as simple and easy as brisk walking for about 30 minutes a day, and hitting the scale daily (yes, daily) to check on any progress. Drinking a lot of water (not fruit juices or soft drinks!) can help a lot. Excess weight that does not come down only means a greater reduction in food intake is needed.

The excess weight gained over the holidays could be safely eliminated within a week. For those really overweight to begin with, the same strategy (output of calories must exceed the intake). Simply put, more exercise and less food, until the scale tells you that you have achieved your dream weight for the NEW YOU and the new year.

www.FUN8888.com
scalpelpen@gmail.com

ON MY WATCH - Manuel Caballero

Relatives in Canada proud of their country

GO Canada! This was the closing line of my niece’s e-mail from Vancouver earlier in the week. My niece Ritzi is proud of her and her husband’s adoptive country, just as other Canadians are proud, especially nowadays that the Winter Olympic Games are being held in that country.

Canadians are very nationalistic. They seem to be constantly searching for recognition and are always seeking for identity as a nation.

Even young Filipino-Canadians are not spared from this intense love of country. I remember one of my Filipino-Canadian nephews who wrapped himself in a Canadian flag while walking in Central Park a few summers ago.

Andy Stein of Toronto sent the following letter to the editor of Globe and Mail, a national newspaper in Canada, “When I sat down to watch the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympic Winter Games, I approached them with the usual Canadian insecurity and struggle to understand our collective identity and place in the world...”

Jennifer Heil, Canada’s hope for first gold, but lost to an American last Saturday and, instead, won silver, said after her skiing event, “I won silver, I didn’t lose gold. I know we’re going for excellence, but I’m so proud to be Canadian.”

Being geographically situated right next to the north of U.S.A. may have been an “inferiorating” experience to Canadians. Canada may be likened to a speaker who is scheduled to speak in a program right after Bill Clinton’s or Barack Obama’s speech.

If you haven’t noticed the U.S.-bashing mode in Canada, all you have to do is read its newspapers or listen to Canadian radio commentators.

In every opportunity, you will read or hear a Canadian mocking America.

Disgusted with the way “O Canada” (Canada’s national anthem) was sang during the Olympics opening rites, Kathleen Collin of Vancouver wrote this to a newspaper, “When did we become like the Americans, turning our national anthem into a rock song?” (I don’t know that the “Star-Spangled Banner” was ever turned into a rock song.)

As hosts of the Winter Olympics, it seems that the Canadians’ search for identity is paying off. This, despite the death of a Georgian luger while practicing in the Olympics luge track and the mechanical failure of one of the four Olympic torch posts during the opening rites last Sunday.

Apparently turned off by the “we are not Americans” attitude by some (or many?) Canadians, an American journalist countered in his Olympics story a day after the opening rites, “The Canadian Olympic Committee has dared to brag that its teams will, for the first time in the history of the Games, win more medals than any other country. This, despite Canada having never won a gold medal on home ground — zero when it hosted the 1976 Olympics in Montreal and zilch in the 1988 Games in Calgary.”

As of this writing (Feb. 16), Canada has won four medals (fourth place). U.S.A. has eight (first place).

***

Moving on to the presidential Olympics in the Philippines, I conducted mock elections among the members of my extended family of 43 relatives. Half of them live in the Philippines, while the other half are in four countries, including the United States.

The results? Noynoy Aquino was the winner. Gilbert Teodoro was second place. Dick Gordon was third. The other candidates did not receive any votes.

Majority of those who cast their votes live in Metro Manila. It seems that the outcome of our mock elections reflects the votes in Metro Manila.

I also noticed the lack of interest in the native country’s politics on the part of those who are living outside the Philippines.

Unlike in the past, we foresee that the deciding votes in the May 10 elections will come from Visayas and Mindanao. Before, wherever Manila went, so did the rest of the country. It seems that is no longer the case.

It’s understandable. Development is no longer concentrated in the Metropolitan Manila area. It has spread throughout the key cities in the south. The largest industrial center in the native country is being built in Cebu.

***

I received feedback about our recent column titled “Let’s hope Aquino children’s decision in politics is correct.” A Filipino lawyer told me that the main factor he will consider is the issue of corruption in government.

But he recognizes that corruption as a problem in Philippine Government is deep-seated and is next to impossible to eliminate. So, he said he would vote for the candidate whom he sees as the “least of all evils.”

***
We wish to convey our condolences to the bereaved family of the late Gerry Garcia who passed away in New Jersey last week from an illness.

Gerry was a leading Filipino animation artist. According to his bio, Gerry set a milestone in 1987 by making the first animated film in Philippine television: “Ang Panday.” That film became the official entry of the Philippines to international animated film festivals.

In 1998, Gerry received the FAMAS Life Achievement Award for his animated film “Adarna.”

While living in the U.S., Gerry became active in Gawad Kalinga activities in the northeast.

mcaball241@aol.com

PIECE OF CAKE - Antonio Campo

Tips on how to ride the Year of the Tiger

FOR the benefit of our unsuspecting readers, I would like to comment on the Filipino Reporter’s issue of Feb. 5-11, 2010 which carried the following headline: “Pyramid scam defrauds N.Y. Filipinos over $1 million.”

Razel Canedo, owner of K & K Nannies and Lady of Lourdes Medical Staffing, who used to advertise her business as recruiters of nannies and nurses at her West Side office in Manhattan several years ago, was arrested in Atlantic City, N.J. on Jan. 29, charged with preying on Filipino immigrants in New York and New Jersey in a million dollar pyramid scheme that sold promissory notes on the pretext that the proceeds would be used to pay immigration expenses of nurses and nannies from the Philippines.

She was charged with one count of mail fraud and one count of wire fraud which carry imprisonment of 40 years if found guilty.

According to the assistant U.S. attorney in charge of the prosecution, Canedo’s pyramid scam has defrauded dozens of victims of more than $1 million.

Another Fil-Am newspaper reported that New York resident Jhett Tolentino issued two checks to Canedo, one for $15,000 and another check for $5,000.
When Tolentino deposited the check for $20,000 she gave him, the check bounced.

The following are other known victims of Canedo’s Ponzi scheme:
1. A babysitter lost her life savings of around $80,000.
2. A group of Filipinos in South Jersey invested $350,000.
3. A group in Queens lost $500,000.

Tips on how to ride the Year of the Tiger
Feng Shui expert Marites Allen during the 5th Philippine Feng Shui Convention held at the Mall of Asia in Pasay City gave the following tips in business: 2010 is a challenging year with plenty of competition.
She warns against making risky investments this year.

She continued: Avoid short-term high-risk investment propositions in 2010 — stick with long-term investments that may not promise as high a yield but are at least much more secure.

Be more vigilant and careful in guarding your wealth during this year.
Don’t part with your hard-earned money too readily.

Good investments: Real estate and blue chip stocks
Instead of investing your hard-earned dollars from suspicious Filipino Ponzi schemers, invest your savings in real estate in the Philippines such as luxury condominiums and condotels.

A one bedroom fully furnished condotel costs around $76,000 with a down payment of $18,000, the balance payable in 10 years.

Average monthly income is modest: $200 in the low season and $300 during the peak season.

There are several reputable real estate developers in Makati, Mandaluyong City, Pasig City, Taguig City and the Bonifacio Global City.

Or you can invest your dollars in blue chip stocks in any of the following companies: San Miguel Corporation, Ayala Land Corporation, Philippine Long Distance and Manila Electric Company.

To invest in these companies, you have to contact a stockbroker in Makati City.

If the investor is not young, I suggest that the stock must be registered as Joint Tenancy with Right of Survivorship.

lp24rocks@yahoo.com

POTPOURRI - Meg Sibal

Understanding the heart-healthy Mediterranean diet

CONSIDERED one of the best ways to guard against heart disease and other serious illnesses, researchers believe that the Mediterranean diet...which is traditionally followed in places such as Greece and southern Italy...is the major reason why heart disease is less common than it is in the United States, according to the February 2010 issue of the Mayo Clinic Women’s Healthsource.

The health letter adds that while the term may be a bit misleading because the daily menu items in Mediterranean countries aren’t all the same...there are even differences within individual countries...the Mediterranean diet does represent the daily habits that are characteristic of the Mediterranean way of life.

The key components of the diet include:
1. Eating generous amounts of fruits and vegetables, whole grains and legumes, and incorporating small portions of nuts and seeds daily
2. Getting most fats from healthy sources, such as olive oil
3. Dining on fish or shellfish at least twice a week
4. Going easy on dairy products, such as cheese and yogurt
5. Consuming very little red meat
6. Eating sweets only on occasion
7. Using herbs and spices instead of salt to flavor foods
8. Drinking wine in moderation
9. Getting plenty of physical activity and eating meals with family and friends

To help us understand the results of studies that women and men who most closely follow a Mediterranean diet have a lower risk of developing or dying of heart disease, the health letter offers a closer look at specific parts of the Mediterranean diet:

Fruits and vegetables — These foods which are a part of every meal in Mediterranean countries, are naturally low in fat and sodium, have no cholesterol and contain beneficial substances known as phytochemicals. Also, many contain abundant amounts of antioxidants...including Vitamins C, E and beta carotene (a form of Vitamin A)...which may help prevent cholesterol buildup in arteries. Antioxidants can be found in dark, leafy greens, as well as red, yellow and orange fruits and vegetables.

Whole grains — In the Mediterranean, breads, pastas and rice are typically made from whole grains instead of grains that have been refined and lost some of their nutritional value during processing. Whole grains provide an excellent source of dietary fiber and contain a variety of vitamins and minerals. Also, certain types of dietary fiber can help reduce blood cholesterol levels and may lower the overall risk of heart disease.

Legumes — While red meat isn’t a big part of the Mediterranean diet, legumes...a class of vegetables that includes beans, peas and lentils...offer a source of protein that is typically low in fat and contains no cholesterol. Besides, legumes are loaded with vitamins and minerals and are a great source of fiber and antioxidants.

Healthy fats — One of the key differences between the Mediterranean diet and other heart-healthy eating plans is the type of fat that is normally consumed, chief among which is olive oil. Olive oil is a type of monounsaturated fat that can help reduce low-density lipoprotein (LDL or “bad”) cholesterol levels when used in lieu of unhealthy saturated fats and trans fats. Other healthy fat in the Mediterranean diet include polyunsaturated fats and omega-3 fatty acids, which can be found in vegetable oils, nuts and fish. Considered especially beneficial because they can lower triglycerides (a type of blood fat), omega-3 fatty acids improve the health of blood vessels, and protect against sudden death from sudden heart attack.

Wine — Some research has shown that a light intake of alcohol is associated with a reduced risk of heart attack. Wine, which may offer slightly greater heart-health benefits than other forms of alcohol, is the most commonly used alcoholic beverage in the Mediterranean. However, moderation is key...meaning, no more than one glass, or five ounces, for women (and men over age 65) and two glasses, or 10 ounces daily, for men under age 65.

Although the Mediterranean diet sounds simple compared to other eating plans, an individual may feel unsure how to incorporate the plan into one’s daily routine, so the health letter suggests the following ways to begin:

• Eat a variety of whole fruits and vegetables everyday...if possible, seven to 10 servings a day...by making items that have these foods as the main ingredient, such as vegetable-based pasta dish, soup or salad. Fruit also makes a great snack or dessert.
• Use olive oil instead of butter or margarine, when possible, such as for cooking or salad dressing. Also, try adding a touch of olive oil to pasta for flavoring or use it as a dip for bread.
• Get more whole grains by choosing 100 percent whole grain instead of bread made with refined white flour. Also, switch from regular pasta to the whole-wheat variety and try brown rice instead of white rice.
• Choose sources of protein that are low in saturated fat, such as fish and skinless chicken for most weekly meals, instead of red meat. Also, try a few meatless meals by adding chickpeas, black beans or other legumes to salads or soups.
• Snack on unsalted nuts since the fats in nuts are generally healthy. However, eat no more than a handful a day because nuts are high in fats and calories.
• Consider having a glass of red wine with dinner, unless you don’t drink alcohol or can’t have it for medical reasons.
While the Mediterranean diet is best known as a heart-healthy eating plan, some studies have suggested that it may also help reduce the risk of diabetes, certain cancers, obesity and Alzheimer’s disease, for various reasons which include:
• Diets rich in fruits, vegetables and whole grains and low in saturated fats can help with weight loss.
• This type of diet has been shown to keep blood sugar levels in check.
• There is evidence that the natural fiber and antioxidants in fruits and vegetables can protect against cell damage, which may help prevent cancer development.
• Since many of the same factors that increase the risk of heart disease have been found to raise the risk of dementia and the Mediterranean diet can help keep cholesterol levels healthy and protect blood vessels from damage, it’s possible that it also could protect brain function, the health letter concludes.

SUGAR AND SPICE

Asian-Ams on the rise

“For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him, he must regard himself as greater than he is.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

***

ASIAN-Americans who are among their adoptive country’s (U.S.) movers and shakers are growing as their populations surge.

A Filipino-American of note is Cristeta Comerford, the White House executive chef.

Other Fil-Ams occupy top federal positions in the Obama Administration.

Chinese-American achievers include Charles Kao, a Nobel laureate in physics in 2009; Vietnamese-American Jacqueline Nguyen who was recently confirmed by the U.S. Senate to the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California; Christopher Lu is assistant to President Barack Obama and Cabinet secretary; Evan Low was sworn in as the youngest Asian-American openly gay mayor of Campbell, California, the first in the U.S. Both Lu and Low are of Chinese descent.

We invite readers of other movers and shakers in our ranks so we can recognize them.

Thanks to the Organization of Chinese American Westchester Quarterly for this interesting info published by Pablo Cue, a Chinese of Filipino origin.

***

From Minnie Azarcon. LOL.
Subject: Will we be like this in our old age?

Old Age 1:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me...I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t remember your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t recall it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

Old Age 2:
Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mable’s ear and she said, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mable answered, “I have? A suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I know where my hearing aid is.”

Old Age 3:
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.” Replied the widow, “I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh@! he always was.”

Old Age 4:
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.” The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”

Old Age 5:
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, “I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” She said, “He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” She said, “For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2 a.m.” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” She said, “I can’t remember where I live.”

Old Age 6:
Three sisters aged 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in the water and pauses. She yells to her sisters, “Was I getting into or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. “Was I going up the stairs or down?” The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her siblings. She shakes her head and murmurs, “I do hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” Then she calls out, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

Old Age 7:
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”

***

Don’t miss Cecille Licad’s concert at the Philippine Consulate on Wednesday, Feb. 24. It’s well worth your time and money for the ticket — proceeds of which go to the “Handang Tumulong” project earmarked for the relief fund in case of calamities back home.

THE MAYOR'S CORNER

Making city information more
accessible to all New Yorkers

HAVE you ever wished you could use your cell phone as a compass to lead you to the nearest subway stop? Or as a tour guide to help you navigate the city’s parks and cultural institutions? Or as a card catalog to help you locate books at public libraries?

Now, thanks to a competition we launched last year, you can. More than 80 teams of software developers entered New York City’s inaugural Big Apps Competition. Their challenge was to use data sets from over 30 city government agencies to create user-friendly applications — or “apps” — for iPhones, Blackberries or other hand-held devices. The city received 85 submissions that were judged by a panel of technology experts and venture capitalists. Last week, we announced the 10 winning apps. Their creators will receive cash prizes totalling $20,000 — and a dinner with yours truly. All of the applications entered in the contest are now available for public use and can be accessed through the city’s website: www.nyc.gov

Information technology has revolutionized the private sector, but the public sector is still catching up. The applications created as part of the Big Apps Competition will help increase government transparency and make city services even more accessible to residents and visitors. At the same time, our involvement in the competition will help strengthen new media — a sector of the economy that has enormous potential for growth and job creation. We want New York to be the epicenter of that growth so that our residents benefit from the jobs it creates — and that’s why we’re going to hold a second Big Apps Competition this year.
As we continue to invest in growing industries, we are also stepping up our commitment to job training and placement, so that more New Yorkers gain the skills they need to work in those industries. During 2009, we achieved a record 25,128 job placements — often putting people in better-paying jobs than they had previously had. And this year, we intend to do even better. To help us meet that goal, NYC Media, the city’s television station, has launched a new show called Job Hunt that helps New Yorkers navigate today’s rapidly changing job market with tips on resume writing, interviewing, and a whole host of other subjects. It runs on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on NYC Life — that’s Channel 25 for most people in the city. It will continue to air in that timeslot for the next nine weeks and will also be available “on demand” at nyc.gov. Each episode of Job Hunt will highlight city resources available from agencies like the Department of Small Business Services, and feature advice for jobseekers at every stage of life, including those over 40, returning veterans, college students, and people with disabilities.
Looking for a job can be a daunting and sometimes overwhelming task. But there is help out there, and we want all New Yorkers to know about it. Some of the job seekers featured on Job Hunt went to the city’s Workforce 1 Career Centers for counseling and advice. Taking that first step helped lead them to new careers. So, if you’re looking for work, after checking out the show, why not call 311 to find a Workforce 1 Career Center near you? The career specialists there can help you begin writing your own success story.